Gloria Jeans.
What a place :)
It's where I work.
I make coffee.
I really am a cool chick :\
Giving a shout out to two of my favourite girls Hayley and Mel who start working with me there tomorrow :)
Golly Gosh.
You know you work at Gloria Jean's when...
You know all the recipes for every hot/cold drink without even thinking let alone looking at the recipe sheet
Your clothes/shoes/hands/bag/car all smell of coffee
You seem to spend half your life trying to get the coffee smell OUT of your clothes/shoes/hands/bag/car
A "quickie" is neither promiscuous nor done in private
You know the names and favourite drinks of anywhere from 10 to 10000 different people
You hate decaf
You hate anyone who orders decaf
You hate anyone who orders something ridiculous like a small, soy, 1/4 strength, decaf flat white but have perfected the art of disguising it
You have had at least 3 people you can recall give you their name for the order as "Gloria Jean" who think it was really witty and original...yeah...no one's EVER thought of that before you tool...
You have called out names for orders such as "Superman", "God", "Jesus", "Spiderman" and similar, and are now no longer fazed by or interested in the responses
You know of people who are INSANELY PEDANTIC about their Frequent Sipper Card and will consistently COUNT, CHECK and BE SUSPICIOUS of the number of clicks you give them on their card
You know the words and/or song order of the entire cd of Gloria Jean's music, which is mostly full of 80's/90's shit and other crap which probably had cheap copyrights to it
You have said "Would you like chocolate on top?" a too-scary-to-think-of number of times
Marshmallows, oreos, bountys and tim tams are a good substitute for morning tea/lunch
You have either broken or heard the sound and/or swearing that follows the breaking of a glass plunger
You are now weirdly resistant/indifferent to hot water and steam
A "biscuit" is by no means edible
You have frequently wanted to staple something to the head of people who come up to the register and simply say something like "Can I have two coffees?" so that because you have no way of knowing what exactly a "coffee" is to them you have to stand there going "Flat White? Cappucino? Latte? Long Black?" in manner of parrot
You have been asked numerous times "Why do you weigh them?"
You have found yourself at some point wearing one/all of the following: a fancy dress costume, bunny ears, elf hat, santa hat, bright red christmas apron
Christmas is the seventh level of hell
You judge people who are obviously in denial, i.e. order a drink skim and then with whipped cream on top, or order a skinny caramel latte with a slice of cake, as if everything magically balances out nicely if you just drink watered-down milk
Due to the over-familiar nature of customers and staff (being on a first name basis), or perhaps because we're all just really hot, you or people you work with have all been either a) asked out b) stalked or c) given phone numbers written on frequent sipper cards
You epitomise multi-tasking, e.g. you are able to hold onto two jugs of milk simultaneously spinning one and steaming another while talking to the shots-person about the guy that gave you his number on a frequent sipper card
You have attempted to invent new drinks which has resulted in some disgusting consequences e.g. lime syrup curdling in steamed milk, all the powders combined into one drink, all the syrups combined into one drink, etc etc
You have had customers come up and talk to you/sit with you/have lunch with you on your lunch break
You are able to make froth for babycinos on demand, at random, whenever a yummy mummy should come up and ask for one
You know of a variety of lunatic customers who clearly belong in some kind of mental heath hospital and you spend a large amount of time attempting to diagnose said customers with other staff members
You are very protective of your apron. Without it you feel naked.
You have your own drink which you can make yourself just the way you like it - insane amounts of foam, caramel, mudslide sauce, marshmallows, etc, etc
You have over time gotten MANY strange looks from customers for the way you sing/dance/behave with other staff members/use sexual innuendo, however you no longer care - you are amusing yourself
A barista towel is a multi-functional item
When you ask people who have never been to gloria jean's before for their name and they give you this undeserved angry defensive psycho response of "Why?? Why do you want it? What do you want THAT for?" you have often strongly desired to respond with something like: "So that we can track you down and break into your house, steal all your personal items and/or children, hack into your bank account and steal your identity, a plan which we are cleverly disguising as an attempt to give you a cup of coffee"
You have found yourself on occasion talking to the coffee machine as if you can control it in this manner, saying things like "Stop...stop..."
You have had people order a "caramel-let" and gone very poshly "oh, you mean a caramel LAH-TAY?"
No one can properly agree on EXACTLY what a macchiato is, and it has resulted in many heated arguments with customers/staff
